Newfane

I remembered black skies, the lightning all around me, I remembered each flash, as time began to blur, Like a startling sign, that fate had finally found me, And your voice was all I heard, that I get what I deserve New Divide
So I'm heading up to Newfane, Vermont on Vermont. 10-12 hours stuck in a car full of stinky, fighting, annoying siblings and screaming adult peoples. Yay >.<
Anyway, I always enjoy Vermont. Its so pretty up there. Not that many people around and so much wildlife. And its usually cooler up there. Thankfully. We're going for my Great-Aunt and Uncle's 50th wedding anniversary, but I usually end up there every year for the Hospital Fair.
Quick history on that: My great-great grandfather built the first hospital up there. Every year they have a fair to raise money.
So I'm going up there. There're going to be a total of about 30 people I'm related to, but have probably never seen in my life. So I'll have fun with that! But apparently there's going to be a night where I need to 'dress up'. I hate dressing up. And apparently I can't wear my Frankie vest. Kill me now... I never leave anywhere without my Frankie vest. But other than that, it should be a blast. Possibly a bit insane, but I can deal with that. There're gonna be a ton of fireworks on the fourth of july, which will make me extremely happy. I love loud, colorful explosions. But Fabio doesn't. He says he wants to come, but his claustrophobia is gonna keep him in the panic room.
One of the weirder aspects of this trip is I'm going to be in the same state as my ex-crush... o.O But I'll be in Newfane, and he'll be in Swanton. So there's very little chance we'll see each other. I guess I wouldn't mind if we ran into each other though.
My cat is being depressed on my leg... Weirdness. I need chips...
Okay, aside from that... I always hate packing. So much work... But I gotta bring clothes. And other shizz. Okay, this blog thingy has officially wound down. I see no way to drag this on to some obscure length like a usually do. Adios!

Hetalia

Tell me, how is it you Germans are so robust. you're crushing me with your intimidation, my fragility causes me to openly weep out of fear, your women terrify me. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KIfB1e_XioY
Okay, so call me a nerd, but I thoroughly enjoy anime, though the only 2 series I've ever watched were Soul Eater(amazing, by the way,wish they'd make more) and Hetalia. Both Axis Powers and World Series. I'm obsessed, and I love Italy. And Chibi- Italy and Holy Roman Empire, the gay couple, but Holy Rome has no idea. But I just reached the last dubbed episode in the World Series up to this date, and I've already watched every Axis Powers episode. So I'm freaking out... FREAKING OUT! Pictures of Italy:

First: Italy. Second: Chibi-Italy! Well, kinda.... I should get a pic of Chibi-Italy

I'm suffering from separation issues!!! I need more Hetalia! So I haven't watch Paint It, White!, but its loading. And after that, I have to wait until the next dubbed episode comes out.... *crying* At least I know there're more episodes. After Soul Eater ended, I felt like part of me died. I was so hooked on that. Crona and Excalibur were my favorite characters there. I usually like the rejects. Okay, I'm gonna go find a pic of Chibi-Italy, then a pic of Chibi-Italy and Chibi-Holy Roman Empire.

Found some really cute ones! Here're some of Chibitalia!:

And here's one of the Holy Roman Empire!:

And here's some cuteness!!!:

Awwww. Okay, I think my spazz-ness is dying down. I'm just way obsessed with this. 

PAAAAASTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!

Yup. I'm gonna go before I spazz out and explode my blog with even more pics...

Eyes (not getting off topic this time... I hope)

There's no room left for me in this shelter, what did you expect me to become? No more than a disciplined little soldier, left no space for me to grow, so I had to break away. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QJJLCdPkZjs Here's a song from EarlyRise, the band that got me so distracted last post. LOVE THEM!
Anyway, damn, I say anyway a lot, don't I? I need to stop that..
[Enter clever opening statement here] Summer's been somewhat of a bitch so far. I was so freaking happy when I was off with my friends, but, you know, I live with a bunch of people who get on my nerves. A lot. And what have I accomplished so far this summer? I drew an eye. I always draw eyes. They fascinate me. I enjoy drawing abnormal eyes, and I love looking at pictures of weird eyes.  To me they're easy and fun to draw. I got bored so I went and google imaged eyes. Here're some of my personal faves:

I really like the first and the third ones. So maybe I have problems. But I find eyes beautiful and intriguing. I wish I could draw well enough to end up with a final product with the amazing color and texture of these, but I suck at drawing... oh well. Gonna go watch some Hetalia now. Maybe I'll blog about that soon. Fabio says he'll probaby say hi tomorrow when my siblings are off with my mom and we're the only two here. Until then, Auf Wiedersehen!

Eyes

Search for a compromise, your head is filled with stars, I talk to you but now, the die is cast http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zq6xjK0pmYw&feature=g-all-u I almost like the demo better... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nkQR_Pk0wrA&feature=channel&list=UL

HAHAHAHAHA! Sorry, I'm going to go off-topic before I even get started here. So, one of my most favorite bands of all time, which you probably have never heard of played in Singapore recently, and I just got around to watching some of what was going on. Orly Lari, lead singer, seemed quite confused about what to do with herself. I enjoyed watching it, but I think she needs more practice. Also, the whole band needs to come here. If you've never heard of EarlyRise, you need to search them up, love them, and go buy their album What If. They're really amazing. Lemme see if I can get a pic of Orly on this thing... Okay, well thats weird... I'm just gonna do a different post on what I was going to say before I saw the video of them.

Vi! Imma kill you!

I'm ready to fall, I'm ready to crawl on my knees to know it all... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ccfDlAkC6BE
Okay, to tell the story I'm about to tell, there's a bit of a backstory. Vi and I went to this TJ test prep thing at Centreville HS last summer. There we met this really perv kid, Shawn or something. Apparently he liked me(well, according to Vi and Vibha, another kid we met at that thing). He was really freaking annoying. Well, he went to Rachel Carson if I recall correctly, which feeds into Centreville. And if he didn't get into TJ(which I doubt he did), we'll be going to the same school. And so Vi keeps teasing me about that. And so now I'm having these freaking recurring dream/nightmare things that he's in all of my classes. And I know the chances of that are pretty slim, but I wake up feeling sick. And in every dream there's always one class thats filled with smiley faces, like the math class for the TJ test prep.
Thanks Vi.
Well, after reliving that dream, imma go throw up now. Chao!

Random weirdness I get from thinking too much

Send in your skeletons. Sing as their bones come marching in. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SBjQ9tuuTJQ We're temporary, temporary...
Am I the only one who ever wonders what happens after death? I mean, yeah, some people have religions that tell you what's supposed to happen after death, but I know I'm can't be the only one who's ever doubted my religion. I feel poem-y. I guess I'll try to write a poem about this shizz...
Ummm... otay... here goes! :\

Brutally murdered in my sleep
I wake with a monster over me
Out of my body my spirit floats
To confront this monster
Stuck in this moment, always I weep
Watching my killer tear me to shreds
Over and over and over again
First with the knife he carves in his name
Then with chainsaw and cleaver
I can not leave, here I am stuck
Do I stay forever?

The sickness claimed me, I wasted away
Waiting painfully for this day
My last breath wheezes out of me
And a tunnel opens up
Gratefully I take the hands of the others leaving with me
We walk toward the brightness
Loosing some along the way
Who knew this was Judgement Day?

I remember the squeal
The crunch
The crash
I remember the impact and the hurt
But I sighed the hurt away
I open my eyes as everything else fades away
I'm a new person now
But am I supposed to remember who I was yesterday?

The heat was too much
I should've gotten out
But I didn't feel like saving myself
Telling my lover to leave
To get out
And the flames closed in
Ashes are all that are left

Okay, so the last stanza was pretty weak, the whole poem was crappy. But eh. Deal with it. You came here, you took a risk to read my shizz. I'm gonna go feed the turtles and stop the cat from looking demented. Sees ju later. Maybe

Art

One final fight, with us tonight. With knives and pens, we made our plight http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gFDCHdKbKBY
So everyone's got their own form of art that they love. And everyone's got their own form of art that they're good at. Sometimes they're the same thing, sometimes they're different. Like, I love writing, and I guess my stories are okay, but I also love drawing. One problem. I can't draw to save my life. And yet I try. So I end up making my characters in my book the ability to draw. Wonderfully.
Damn it, I want something to eat.
Also, I desperately want red hair. I mean, I guess my hair is okay, I consider it my best feature, but thats not saying much. So anyhow, I always end up giving at least one of my characters red hair. One of my characters is always really dark, and there are always little romances I wish I had.
Got off-topic. Sorry. This actually happens a lot.
Back to art. There're so many forms of art that make the world a little brighter. Art sparks imagination and creativity. Art is a way to express yourself, your feelings. It lets people know what you're all about.  Honestly, I wouldn't know what to do without art. My stories are how I release my anger. They're probably about the only thing that keeps me sane enough to keep me out of a mental hospital and reeking chaos on an unsuspecting world. If some crazy chick wearing a My Chemical Romance Fun Ghoul vest asks you for a hug, that's probably me. Don't run away. I'm just hug deprived.
Need food...
I think everyone needs to find a form of art to fall in love with. Whether it be writing, drawing, dancing, or singing, art is a good way to relieve stress. And though I can't draw, I enjoy trying, and I believe that possibly one day if I try enough, I'll improve. So keep doing what you love even if you're not that good. Find a form of art you love and enjoy yourself!

*enter retching noises here*

Black painted eyes, cover the lies, I think its time you threw away your cruel disguise http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KGTxF8d73Hk&feature=autoplay&list=FLqbjKhBysfey_JrqerGdeJQ&playnext=2
Don't know why I insist on putting links to the songs I mention, because there's little chance you're going to click it.
Anyway... sitting on the floor of my grandmother's house, sweating cuz she has no A/C(though it is cooler in here than it is out there), and staring at presents that I assume are for my brother. This is his third birthday party. Do I have three parties? No, I have one with my friends, and then a get together with my family. Also, half the time I share it with my sister. I'm not jealous, I swear. I'm just tired of parties. So many freaking parties in June. And the amount of time I have to spend with my siblings. I'm going to end up murdering my sister. Over-dramatic whiny bitch. My aunt and uncle should be arriving soon, being the catalyst for my sister's change into a freaking two year old, and then they'll be mooning over her while I sit in the corner and retch. I know, its not good to think, or talk, or type of my literally mentally challenged sister like that, but you know, thats how I feel. She's always acting like she's two around everyone she doesn't live with, and it sickens me. And she uses them all She'll say that I beat her up because she wants a pony and she'll fake cry and they'll go get her a damned pony. Okay, maybe not a pony, but pretty much anything she wants, she'll go play two year old to some gullible fool and tell them some sob-story lie and fake cry, and they melt and do want she wants or get her some shit she doesn't need. Its irritating. I can't live with her. Every couple of seconds she'll have some shrieking fit for no reason and make my eardrums bleed and it takes every ounce of strength I have not to beat the shit out of her. I'm probably going to that bad place down under where the fire eternally burns, but you know? Uggg... I can deal with my youngest brother, we actually get along pretty well. My older younger brother I don't have to deal with cuz he lives with my bastard father. They deserve each other. Also, if you hear about a school shooting in Tulsa in a couple of months, that'll probably be my brother. My family is screwed up. I guess its probably not the worst family, and I should be glad I have a family, but, call me an ungrateful, undeserving bitch, I'm not. I'd really rather not have my sister and my older younger brother and my dad. And my youngest younger brother is actually my half brother. He doesn't know that though. So technically I like my half-family better than my actual siblings. I have two half brothers. And the two dudes that spawned them are better than my dad. My mom is okay, I guess. Its not like I want to kill her, but there are those days I get annoyed and want to scratch her eyes out or throttle her or something. I have to go do some shit with my family now, so imma quit whining about my life and go. Byez

The songs that EVERYONE need to listen to

I don't care who you are or why you're here, you need this. Please do me this one favor: Listen to these songs and watch the videos with them. Its only two songs and it probably won't take but 10 minutes of your life. First one, Coming Down by Five Finger Death Punch. Bullying and suicide related. I don't care what type of music you listen to, just please listen to the song and understand the message.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ptzzU7jFQwo&feature=branded
Second one, Bully by Shinedown. Bully related. Again, listen and please understand. With this one, don't mind the video too much, its a bit confusing.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y7NVxAMQn_I

Bonus song: If you are feeling really sad or possibly suicidal, I encourage you to listen to this song(don't mind the video, it may not pertain to you)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lL2ZwXj1tXM
Also, if you are feeling suicidal I encourage you to take measures against that. Surround yourself with your loved ones, and talk to someone. Please. The world would most definitely not be better off without you.

The World Outside

So once again, I am stuck at my house with a bunch of thieving siblings, needy turtles, cats that think they own me and not the other way around, a playlist that plays in shuffle when its not supposed to, and no available food. And its all sunny and nice outside. I can't swim cuz 1.) my mom's not here and I won't go into the second reason. I have a new idea for starting my blogs. I'm going to start them with lyricals from songs I enjoy.
This blog would've started with: You like D&D, Audrey Hepburn, Fangoria, Harry Houdini, and croquet. You can't swim, can't dance, and don't know karate. Face it, you're never gonna make it... I don't wanna make it. I just... wanna....
Or maybe I'd just type alllll the lyrics to Thank You For The Venom... There's a contest going on to see who can read MCR lyrics the fastest... I speed read, but not aloud. My other problem... I can't talk those lyrics, I end up singing them...
Anyway, yeah, I'm just sitting indoors with a janky playlist, waiting for my mom to get back from the store, hopefully with the requested cheetos, talking to people on Google+, and looking out the window, somewhat longingly. It not exactly that I want to be out in my backyard, getting ticks all over my legs and smelling the sewage treatment facility across the street. Its more like, I want to be in my fantasy world, or I want a time machine to go back in time to the MCR concert. I think I'm gonna have another post right after this one reliving that concert. Now I'm going to write something that fell into my train of thought and knock it askew now. Here goes some fluffy bits of imagination:
The moon was full. It was closer to the earth than I'd seen it in a long time. The stars were shining brightly, but the fog said this was anything but a perfect night. Thin clouds drifted across the moon, not obscuring it. It was one of those scenes I wanted to draw. I drew in a breath. It smelled like fresh cut grass and lilac. But the fog was creeping up and over everything and there was a hint of death in the air. I knew that scent well. I'd come in contact with it too much. I knew he was there, but I couldn't pinpoint where. I had the advantage though. I knew I could see better than him, and my senses were much clearer. Should I shift? Not now, not when he's this close... I could hear him sniffling in the bushes next to me. If he gets to close I'll have to bolt for it. Crud. Distract him! I sensed a bird two bushes away. I focused in on it. It ruffled its feathers in unease, then fluttered away. He jerked his head up and stalked over to where the bird had been sitting. He raised his head to the moon. Quietly as I could in this awkward body, I scampered out of the bushes and made a dash for the fence. Crack. I stepped on a twig. He twisted so he was facing me. I darted behind the fence, and fled over it. He was along the fence now, smelling it and growling. I ignored him. He couldn't get over the fence. I shifted then, growing out of my dog body and into my human form. I picked up my clothes and jammed myself into them. I peeked through the window. They hadn't noticed yet.
Thats about it for now. Listening to my janky playlist, I realized I need to write some sad scenes. I'll have to think of some. If one of my books ever gets published and made into a movie, I want Missing by Evanescence in there somewhere. Thank you for reading my shizz. Gonna go get a search warrant for those bags my mom just brought in. If I find some Cheetos, they're MINE!

Glass Half Empty, or Glass Half Full?

Life consists of lots of running around. Ups and downs and roller coasters and shit. You've heard it before, I'm sure. Optimism, pessimism. All that crud. Every once in awhile, there's that blade of blinding light that cuts through your soul and makes you say, "Yes, thank you, my life rocks!" And then there're the times where there's that dark and ominous fog that surrounds you. Its too thick to cut through, and every time you breath it enters your being, that is, if you don't choke on it first. All you want to do is off yourself. Sometimes you can't tell whether you're heading into that shady area. Sometimes you venture in, and just can't get back out. Other times, there's a way out if you look for it. There're people who show up in those times in your life with a candle or flashlight that cuts through the fog, but there're also those people who drag the fog into your life. Sometimes the fog is overwhelming, sometimes you swallow too much, and there's no way to get rid of it. You drown in it. The fog is the worse thing imaginable.  But most of the time, your life is that gray area, with patches that are lighter and darker. Pessimism can be turned to optimism, and vise-versa,  so those gray spots could all be a little lighter or darker. But as much of this paragraph is composed of already, I'm here to write about the fog. I actually have experience with the fog, I'm not just blabbering on. All of last summer I struggled with the fog. All I wanted to do was sleep until my problems were fixed. When I was conscience, my vision was darker and my outlook on life was horrible. I did try to fight the fog in the beginning and I managed pretty well, but then it got tiring and I let myself become submerged. That was not smart. I cut off much of my connection to the outside world, and only roused myself when it was absolutely needed. I believe the fog was part of the cause of me passing out for the first time ever. After that I found myself pulled out of the fog for the first and longest time that summer. I went to camp with a friend I don't see too often, and had much fun. The fog dissipated, at least for that week. But I came back and the fog engulfed me almost instantly. I was deeper in than before, and had an incident with a ruler and a knife, that I won't go into. The fall brought me back. I had to go to school. Contact with other human beings, my friends brought me back. I thank you guys for that. I've glimpsed the fog a few times this year. Its always there, stalking me, waiting to pounce. I've fought it off most of the time, trying to the best of my ability to keep it off my back. My friends are a big help in my fight. They keep my mind clear(well, as clear as my mind can be), and they keep me laughing, keep me alive. And you have no idea how grateful I am to you guys. I have tips for those of you in, or falling into the fog. The one most useful to me, surround yourself with friends. Don't forget to eat, but don't eat too much. Keep active. Have a healthy sleeping pattern. And always fight it, no matter how hard it gets

The Things That Run Through My (Demented) Head

So, sitting around, I found this weird thing in the back of my head, so imma write it down here, and maybe I'll find someplace to write it in my stories. Here we go:
Is it? Is it Tuesday? Or Thursday? I don't know any more. What's happened? What's happened to me? They... they got into my head. Didn't they? Its... its Thursday? No, it can't be, can it? They took away all I had.. all of it. Any way to get it back? I feel, peculiar... What... what happened? Why is my head so muddled? blink. Movement. My head... blink. That movement again. What is that? Where am I? Am I... am I alive still? Is it Tuesday? Or Thursday? In circles... my head, the thoughts... circles. blink. In the corner. That corner, turn toward it. Before you lose it. They took it. They took everything. Got inside my head. 
Yeah, umm, I dunno. I guess imma go now. Maybe I'll have some good stuffs to pack my next blog full of, or maybe it'll be stupid again. Imma vanish now... Ready? 
POOF!

Intro(a suckish one at that, with way too many words)

This blog is gonna end up being weird and confusing. I mean, it is my blog. As my first blog thing, I guess I'm just gonna introduce myself, actually, I'll introduce Fabio, talk about blogs not yet written, tell you about my day, and write way too much. I always write too much.
Yup
Anyway, so, Fabio is my alter-ego. He's technically Italian, but after his mom died, you know, he sorta became americanized. He's pretty normal(when he's not having a panic attack for some reason), unlike me. I'm trying to make him get on here and introduce himself, but he's having a panic attack. He's claustrophobic and apparently "there're too many people in this room and the noise is overwhelming." Yeah, that's what he said. I guess, actually, he's pretty messed up. He had a hard childhood. Maybe one day he'll tell you, or allow me to tell it. I guess I don't have too much to say about Fabio at the moment. Mostly because I want him to introduce himself. Wait... He says, and I quote, "I don't wanna introduce myself yet. Still trying to figure out who I am, and what my place is in this world. Now let me have my panic attack in peace." At least, I thing thats what he said... he's in the midst of hyperventilating. He gets quite annoying at times... I'm trying to work with him about his claustrophobia. Maybe he'll be able to come to school one day. Wait... He says, "Fat chance." Oh Fabio...
What the fuck?! I just placed my hand in a puddle of blood... There's blood pooling from a tiny pinprick in my thigh... What? Uggg... I'll deal with it later...
Changing the subject from my bleeding leg and Fabio, later blogs are gonna be all over the place, I felt the need to warn anybody who decides to take a look at my boring life. Oooo! Slipknot! Sorry, forgot I had this song on my playlist thing. (This song, if you're wondering--> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gOVd2GsYfoA&feature=autoplay&list=FLqbjKhBysfey_JrqerGdeJQ&playnext=3) Fudge, got leg blood on my arm... off track, sorry. Yeah, but some blogs are gonna be me spazzing, blowing off steam, telling you about my day in monotone, Fabio saying stuffs, me talking about awesome books, or songs, or other shizz, maybe a shout-out to a good friend, or me dissing a fag,  and every once in awhile, me being so insightful its disgusting. I guess thats all you need to know about these blogs, other than I'm going to write more than needed, and the blogs will come at weird intervals. Yeah.
Since I've already written too much, I guess I'll continue with my day. Woke up around... I forget, between ten and noon, immediately got pissed at my sister, who, even after being told, screamed at about, and smacked upside the head over, ate my last fucking Toaster Scrambles, which happened to be the only thing I could eat until my mom gets up and unlocks, or refuses to unlock, the pantry. Yes, the pantry at my house is locked. Suckish, huh? I need a lock picking kit or something. So anyway, my mom gets up at one, which gives me an hour to find something healthy to eat. Why an hour? Well, I have track Tuesdays and Thursdays, and sometimes Sundays. The only reason I do track is to keep in shape for soccer. Anyway, I have a small panic/spazz attack thing because 1.) All I want is Flaming Hot Cheetos and spicy chicken, which we don't have, and 2.) because by that time I have half an hour to find something to eat that will keep me energized at track, and I have to eat it within the next half hour because if I eat any later, it doesn't settle right in my stomach before track, which makes for a slow, sick-feeling Rianna at track. Anyway, I finally settle on forcing some toast with peanut butter down my throat(I wasn't hungry), and while I do that, my mother decides to confirm which school track practice was being held. So she does that. And guess what. Track was cancelled. And not for something rational, like a t-storm, but because of the fucking heat. I ran a mile in 105 degree weather on Sunday, and they decide to cancel it when its only like 90 something?! I was pretty mad. Now I'm just bored, and trying to decide between continuing on in my stories or writing/finishing poems, trying (and probably failing) to draw, or reading, all while head-banging to my music. One of my favorite BVB songs is on, and in the version I'm more fond of (this song--> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lz2_iGZz6es&feature=autoplay&list=FLqbjKhBysfey_JrqerGdeJQ&playnext=6) Why do I consent to putting links to songs I mention? I don't even know if this will work, being as this is my first blog. Ever. I congratulate you if you managed to read this all the way through, hopefully my next blog will be more entertaining or riveting.  Well, hasta-la-pasta. (this should be Italy's [from Hetalia] good-bye statement, lol)