For you, Vasu

I'm lost in my room, can't find my way out. It's all just the same, should I cry or should I smile? Call Of Schizophrenia I love this song so much. I dunno why.
So, this is for my friend, Vasudha/Vasu/DJ Curry/potato/not actually potato/my ho. She just made a blog ( http://hashtagswaggy.blogspot.com/ ). Her rant about geometry rings true. Like honestly, where the fuck are you ever going to need a proof? Does that happen? Is that a thing?
So, according to swagmasta Vasudha, I need to "get my feelings out".
So this is going to be one of those "Bros before hos" kinda things.
I spent most of today completely ignoring one of my best friends. Possible ex-best friend. She hasn't apologized and I'm just so done with her drama. First off, she changed for a guy.
VASU, STAHP. IT WAS POPPED! POPPED!
Back to topic, she changed for him. It wasn't a *major* change, but she did change. One of my biggest things about relationships is never changing who you are for someone you like. If the person doesn't like you for who you are, they're not worth it. Secondly, she's ditched me multiple times for this guy. This has been going on for a few weeks, mind you, and it had been becoming progressively worse. About a week ago, her topics of conversation became limited. It was either 1.) Something about the guy, ya know, "(guy) said this, (guy) said that", or "(guy) is so sweet and understanding!", or "I really like (guy)" or 2.) My Little Pony. The guy she's obsessing over is a Brony. Make the connection. It was getting super annoying.
Anyway, yesterday or last night or something she asked him out. He rejected her. Nicely. Something along the lines of "You're a nice girl and all, I just don't like you."
So today, I come into school, as usual, waiting for her by my locker so she can stick her shit in there because we can't take it to gym.
Allison has a boyfriend? I wonder why, Vivian. Can it be that she's hot and funny and has an amazing personality and even I fell for her at one point?
Back on topic. So she comes stomping up to my locker and glares at me. When I look at her back, questioningly, she goes, "What the fuck do you want?!" Needless to say, I was taken aback, you know, since she's never spoken to me like that before. Anyway, I let her put my stuff in my locker, and we go sit by the locker rooms, cuz there's AP testing in the gym, and she alternates between ignoring me, and degrading me. So I decide, you know, she's hurting, I'll be nice, give her time and stuff. I figured she would be pissy to everybody. But nooo, instead, she's a fucking social butterfly, being pleasant to everybody and their mother. I try to say anything to her, she'll glare at me, or be like "What do you want?" and just being generally rude throughout the period.
Keep in mind, I have no idea why she's acting like this towards me. I don't even talk to the guy she likes, so it's not like a sabotaged her or anything.
Anyway, we get to CATS, and she didn't put her shoes on after gym, so she's putting her shoes on, and Jullian takes one, being playful and crap, and tosses it at me. Knowing she's being all pissy, I hand it back to her. She snatches it away and is like "Thanks bitch" being rude, and malicious, and giving me the death glare. By then I was fed up. So I looked her in the eye, and said "I'm done." I wandered around the cafeteria for about five minutes, talking to Jade, and then I talked to Nicky about how we both got on the All-Stars team thing, then I go and sit with Michelle N. and some of those other people.
Including *ahem, Vasudha, ahem* Will and Justin.
To give you an idea of just how bad she was being, we were one of those attached-at-the-hip-besties type people. Now I'm not sure I'll ever speak to her again.

Happier-ish topic-I'm not sure what I've mentioned of the hamster children, but I'm pretty sure I've mentioned them before. I dunno if I said there were three, or anything, but there were three, two like calico colored and a little black one. The little black one had a deformed arm and didn't make it. But the two others got big, and had to be taken out of their mom's enclosure. We're referring to them as Chipmonky and Neat Freak. But they have to go. We're not gonna be keeping four hamsters. Two is enough. With the turtles and the cats and everything.

And last thing. A big thanks goes to Vasudha. She's helped me get through a lot of shit this year, and I'm really grateful to have her in my life. Thank you.

...

HOLY CRAP! I JUST FOUND OUT STARS IN STEREO HAS NEW MUSIC AND A WEBSITE AND AN ALBUM OUT AND AHHHHHH.
BAHHH!
AHHHHH!
lol, sorry, spazzing so hard right now. Links: SinS SinnerS Every Last Thing The Broken
I already downloaded Half Life and am about to buy the album!
Okay, yeah, I'm gonna go now. Spazz some more.

'Cause I have nothing better to do

I wish you'd open up for me, amaryllis bloom. I've been listening to the album on repeat for awhile Amaryllis Shinedown's full album

I'm going crazy over people. People either being extremely stupid, or people being too amazing for their own good.

I'm not sure if I've said it on here or not, but I broke up with Brooke.

Like anyone cares.

I'm pretty sure she's rebounding with Damien.

Meanwhile, I'm forever alone. I gotta stop falling for people in happily committed relationships with loud friends at lunch tables that make me wanna hurt myself.

I'm really hoping she doesn't read this... She probably won't. Half the time I think she's fucking with my head.

Well, she's unintentionally fucking with my head because that's how my hormones work, but there're other things... I dunno.

Am I sick, or am I gifted? lol, sorry. I love Shinedown.

So yeah, this was mostly to say I'm not enjoying pansexuality. Wait, that's a lie. I have no problem with my sexuality. I have problems with having huge crushes on people I can't have. 

Oh damn, it's almost nine. When did this happen?! I need to finish my homework. Fitness logs, agg, there's no point to this!

Nowhere Kids!!! I love this song!

lol, sorry. For my random music-related outbursts and posts that are irrelevant to everything. 

Okay, well, I'mma finish my homework like a good little student. Goodbye now.

Hi Lauren, lol

Move, and show us what you can do, when you step into the circle and shake like we do Move by Thousand Foot Krutch This song is addictive, lol.
So the pet store was wrong. The hamsters were not both male. I went to clean out their enclosure today and I opened the loft and Innocence is all like "HEY BITCH! JUST KIDDING, I'M FEMALE! AND LOOK AT MY CHILDREN!" And she just peed out the side of the cage... lovely. We had to separate her and Iggy.
Frank is glaring at me. He really needs turtle lotion on his face, but he thinks my finger is a worm, so I'm unable to apply it. He took a chunk out of my thumb once.
I just finished going through my friend Lauren's blogs. Realized that I really ignore mine, lol.
Yeah, so I really don't have anything to talk about other than the whole hamster children surprise. I guess I'll post some poems? I'll post two really long ones!
Here's the first. I actually have a series of these going, calling it the Dear You series. This one is about my best friend from like 1st-3rd grade or so. Back when I was living in Oklahoma.

Dear you,

You, who always had space in your car for me, even though you were a family of nine in an average mini van.

You, who I met in kindergarten because your tooth was loose and you were freaking out, so I punched you and it fell out, but somehow we became friends anyway.

You, who helped me be totally oblivious to how much crap I was going through.

You, who I spent every weekend with, who I knew everything about, who I saved from going to the hospital because I made you eat.

You, whose chihuahua ate my crock, because apparently I was able to wear those, even with my sensitivity issues

You

I don’t know where you are now.

I don’t know if you’re alive.

I don’t know if you continued eating even after I moved in third grade.

You, who got adopted by a relative, (your aunt? It seemed irrelevant to me), and spent a week happier than I’d ever seen anyone.

I didn’t know what that meant.

I still don’t know if your last name is Hoffman or Ray.

I just remember how happy your happiness made me.

You, who envied me because that little red-headed boy and I hung out a lot.

I guess we were dating, that red-head and I.

I don’t count it now, we were so young.

I still think of him too, every time I hear All-Star by Smash-mouth.

You, who ran with me in Run Club even though you were severely anorexic.

I didn’t know what that word meant back then.

I didn’t quite care either.

But I didn’t let you skip a meal either.

You, who tickled me until I peed, didn’t care that I had just stained your favorite sheets, and continued tickling me.

I was embarrassed.

I actually kind of hate being tickled now.

I was lying, I love being tickled, depending on the person.

You, who taught me how to do the stupidest things on the trampoline, but neither of us cared because it was fun.

I still think of that.

I haven’t really been on a trampoline since.

I broke the last one I was on anyways.

You, whose picture I have hanging on the wall, the one where the photographer got your whole family in one shot without cutting anyone off.

I taped it next to my bed.

I think about you all the time.

I wonder where you are.

You

I don’t know where you are now.

I don’t know if you’re alive.

I don’t remember you that well, but

You are the one who saved me.

(And I wonder where you are everyday, wonder who you are, wonder who you’re with, wonder if you’re okay, what you look like

And if we would still be friends today

I have changed so much

But who’s to say

You haven’t?)

This one is from my novel Mysty Eyes and Flaming Hearts. Myst's poem for the moment. It's called  Decrepit Hope

The tree stood stoically

Watching the corner of death and defiance in silence

Its bark old and white, peeling and pale

Yet it held in its branches

Hope enough for us

People passed it frequently

Never giving it a second thought

They shied from it, unsure why

But the feeling they got disrupted their lives

They preferred to continue into the black

In the night, the tree glowed

Drawing moths of every kind

Bio-luminescent for the ones who refused to give up

The minority that lived and loved

But it also drew unwanted attention

A certain spirit of the in-between

Disagreed with the life the tree lived

And decided to go against it

In the dark, the deity came

With the intention of disintegration

The bark turned from white to orange

Blazing red and blue

The spectrum of flame raged against it

It drew the moths

It scarred the moths

The fire moved vertically

Trunk to tip

Blackening weary branches

Tired of holding hope

But determination fought both depression and inferno

Grim consideration broke out amongst the moths

Away they flew, to the depths they went

Leaving the tree to fight itself and combustion

Leaving the tree to decide worthless hope or death

Leaving the tree to scorch and burn

Glass branches shatter

Hope flooding into a world of death

Roots loosen their grip on reality

Turning to ash, ready to rot

Flames have destroyed the source of all good

Desolate souls beg

They sense the great loss

And plummet

But hope isn’t quite lost

As a moth flutters in glimmering remains

As a moth flutters in the leftover dust

As a moth inhales the ashes 

Of the tree’s rejected hope

And becomes a symbol

And remains a symbol

And spreads hope

In a land where hope does not exist

Yeah... I dunno. I fail. I can't hear my music cuz my mom is being annoying.

Happy Birthday to my aunt! 

Good night, sleep tight, don't let the dead bite.

Sheer boredom and a slam poem

Disorder Toxicity by System Of A Down Yeah... this, The Way Of The Fist by Five Finger Death Punch and This Is The New Shit by Marilyn Manson stuck in my head today...
I should actually be doing geometry homework, but ya know, procrastination and stuff. So I went through my statistics today and was actually kind of surprised. I didn't actually think that many people had read anything from this blog. Of course, most of it is my heterochromia and hetalia posts, but still... Yeah, I really don't have much to talk about. English class today was interesting. We all had to present our slam poems, which was kind of uneventful. I did mine on sexual orientation (I'll include it after this post, I guess) and got asked if I was doing the silence for the LGBT(QP) community thing, which, of course, I am. But with my stage fright and all, it came across pretty weak... then my teacher had us write Shakespearean love letters or something, which went hilariously wrong when Jordan and Andrew went and wrote their's to each other and preformed them. I laughed until I cried. I sense a bromance going on! So yeah, that was pretty much the highlight of my day. And there's this new, somewhat insightful kid in my Creative Writing class. One of my hamsters is washing himself. It's pretty adorable. By the way, I named them Innocence and Ignorance. Ignorance is the one taking a bath and goes by Iggy. My mom thinks they're pretty horrible names for hamsters, but one of my cats is name Cricket, so... Yeah. I think I'm just gonna add the poem here and then do my math...
Slam Poem: More About Rainbows, Less About Disabilities

Love in the world of those who

Can’t, don’t, won’t, or

Like the same, “wrong”, gender

Always bittersweet until you’re

Accepted or rejected or thrown from this world

Torn from your soul and thrown into hell

Because apparently being LGBTQ or P is

A sin

Doesn’t it appeal to you?

I know, you’re

Straight or able to love freely you

Don’t know what it feels like, never knowing

Or knowing you’re not allowed

Slapped, scolded, told “no touchy”

Because he, she, they are straight

This pain may as well

Kill me off for it’s ‘unnecessary’, or ‘wrong’ in the eyes of homophobes

Only if I could

Rid myself of this feeling or have it returned would I be

Satisfied/terrified

Healing takes time and

Energy, god, just

Reject me, eject me from this world of

Loss and hate

Because if this is a disease

It’s a proud disease

And I’d rather not fight it

So eject me from this world of homo hate

Agitate, take your adjectives describing me as

Self-destructing, destroying the wold by encouraging others

Because being around gay people makes you gay 

Just like

Being around tall people makes you tall

This ‘hideous’ thing has reared it’s head and is

Eating away at

Rotting away at

My soul

There’s this disease

And it’s called love

And if I die from it

That’s fine because

And if I’m sinning because of it

That’s fine because

I’m pansexual and proud

Somewhat of a coming out story, I guess. My classmates who hadn't know before, know now. I was gonna add something about how it's not a choice, but I already almost had a panic attack from just standing up in front of the class... Also, there are two slam poems I really like. One is Somewhere There Is A Poem by Gina Loring, and To This Day by Shane something-or-other. Koyzec? I dunno, something weird like that. 

And there was one kid, Danielle, whose slam poem was worthy of worship.

So yeah... Geometry. Then soccer. Peace out girl scout

My Chemical Romance

So long and good night Helena-My Chemical Romance
Where do I start? I've been in love with MCR for three years. Yes, I know, Oh wow, three years, you must think you're so special. No. I know it's not that long at all. Three years out of the twelve they've been around. But I am a genuine fan. I'm not a fangirl, spazzing about how hot they are (okay, well maybe I have my moments, and maybe I love the idea of Frerard, but that's beside the point), I fell in love with them for their music. I came into this scene during the Killjoy era. Yes, my first song was NaNaNa(NaNaNaNaNaNa), but from there, I went toWelcome To The Black Parade. Yes, again I know You went from a popular song, to an even more well-known one! But from there, I actually went to Skylines And Turnstiles (oh wow, my Pandora just started playing the live version of I'm Not Okay (I'm Promise), the Life On The Murder Scene version) and worked my way from there. I went through the entire You Gave Me Your Bullets, I Gave You My Love album, then Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge, and The Black Parade. I failed, though, to go through the entire Danger Days: The True Lives Of The Fabulous Killjoys album until I got my first (sad) iPod (which I still have, it's a shuffle and it's slowly dying). When I first heard S/C/A/R/E/C/R/O/W I didn't really like it, but as I grew used to it, I began to love it as much as all of the other songs. That was the only instance where I haven't liked one of their songs. I had also found songs not yet recorded, such as Kiss The Ring and The World Is Ugly. I loved them and was hoping they'd be released, but was hearing rumors that Frank Iero said that when The World Is Ugly was released as a studio version, it meant the band would be breaking up. So when they announced Conventional Weapons, I was ecstatic until I learned The World Is Ugly was on it. But someone, I don't remember if it was on the site or not, confirmed that they weren't breaking up.
They lied. Maybe they thought they weren't breaking up, but on Friday, March 22, 2013 they announced the breakup of the band.
I won't lie, my heart broke. It shattered. I actually cried, and those of you who know me, know that doesn't happen often. I realize they all have families(well, not Michael, but... you know that whole shebang by now, I hope) and that they have their reasons. I respect them, and I won't beg them to come back. If they read this (haha, like *that's* gonna happen), just know that I love you with all of my heart, and MCR will never 'die', it will always live on in the hearts of fans. I'm not outraged, but I am sad. Yes, all great things have to come to an end, but I must admit, I didn't think it would happen just yet. It hit me like a smack in the face.
My Chemical Romance, and I know this is said a lot, but it's because it's true, MCR saved my life. I was severely depressed in summer after my seventh grade year. My Chemical Romance and a couple of other bands were pulling me through. Then, for my birthday, my aunt and uncle got me tickets and took me to see them live. Granted, I was on the lawn, so I couldn't quite see anything but a red dot that happened to be Gerard's hair. When I got home, I was so happy. And for awhile, I was living on the thought of my next concert. After a couple of months, once I was back at school with my friends and I had education to keep my mind off of what had been the whole reason for my depression, it just... disappeared. It comes back every once in a while, but not as bad as it was. I started living for me and for those who love me again. But I still held MCR close to my heart. Now I know there's a very slim-to-none possibility that I will ever see another MCR concert, but I'm glad to have had the chance to at least gone to one.
I remember when I found out about Miles. I had the hugest spazz. My mom walked in on me and thought I was having a seizure or something. I was so happy for Frank and Jamia. I sat there and wondered how Cherry and Lily would react to him, if they would interact like my family. Honestly, I kinda hope they don't, 'cause my family is prone to large-scale fights. I felt a bit sorry for him, I mean, two older sisters... But all families have their ups and downs, so I'm sure they'll fight and make up and love each other like I love my siblings, even if they do annoy me quite a bit.
I remember the point in time where I couldn't listen to anything but My Chemical Romance, You Know What They Do To Guys Like Us In Prison in particular. I sat there and messed around on my violin, trying to play bits and pieces of it. I even, and I'm kind of ashamed to admit this, choreographed my own little awkward white girl dance to it. That was about the same time where I'd saved up a lot of money and brought a My Chem shirt for every day of the week (excluding weekends) and only wore my MCR merch and the occasional soccer outfit when I'd neglected to do my laundry.
I am currently saving up for CD copies of the Bullets, Revenge, and Killjoys albums, and Conventional Weapon merch. I'm hoping that though they've broken up, their merch site, actually, their site in general, will stay up and intact.
I remember celebrating their birthdays, as stupid as that may seem. They are my heroes, even Mikey. I don't know what I would've done without them. I suppose it's possible I would've found another band to pull me through, but my mom listens to country, so that's what I was listening to (I still listen to it), and I'm not there were any songs out at the time in country that could've pulled me through.
My Chemical Romance is actually the band that's made me well-rounded in my knowledge of music. Before I knew of them, all I was listening to was country and an occasional "golden oldie" (I don't get why they're called old. Why do people slap dates on music? I'm sorry, but since when does music have an expiration date?). When I found them, it opened my eyes. At first, I just looked for bands similar to their Killjoy era stuff, but then I got into heavier stuff, and am now into just about every type of rock out there (including symphonic metal) and alternative, as well as pop (only a few songs, a lot of the music in the pop genre these days doesn't have any meaning to it), rap(again, only a few songs), "golden oldies", not-so-golden-oldies, and I'm even into stuff in different languages. I listen to a lot of German music, KPOP (I'm more into JYP than the other company things), and Japanese rock and such. I actually listen to a little bit of just about everything(well, the english and german everything).
My family includes two turtles. I named both of them. The first one we got around Halloween, so it ended up with the name Frank, and the second one we found a few days after I found out about Miles, and when we found him, he was still a baby. Like, a baby baby. He was ity-bity. So of course he ended up with the name Miles.
I remember when I heard the news about Mike Pedicone. I can't begin to describe how infuriated I was.
I remember one day, after lunch, I walked into my eighth grade english teacher's room, and he had Welcome To The Black Parade playing. Everybody else was kinda sitting around, like "what is this?", but me and my acquaintance/friend(we weren't close friends, so... yeah, mostly I knew her through my friend Eva) began singing it. Well, she began singing it. I had a slight spazz. And by slight, I mean I was running around and screaming the lyrics. I may've gotten into a bit of trouble... o.O Whoops...
I've spazzed to each and every one of my friends, and gotten a good percentage of them to enjoy and listen to MCR. The high school that I'm in currently is full of asians (which I kind of love, lol), and really posh white people, so the majority of people listen to either country or pop. There's a small portion of people that listen to rap, and an even smaller portion of people who listen to rock and such. Other than myself, I have met two people that knew of MCR before they met me. I believe I've gotten my friend Vasudha into them, but there's like nobody who knows of them. Which I find sad.
I remember, back in middle school (lol, like it was that long ago), me and a couple of friends and people I didn't know too well, (like Gloria) went around on MCR day and stuck pictures of the band members and lyrics, I even wrote a poem about them and stuck them up all around the school. Of course, after every class the school admin and such had gone around and taken them down, but we'd all spent the previous class expecting that and making new things to put up.
I remember in eighth grade I saw a sevie in the hallway with an MCR shirt, and even though I didn't know them in the slightest, I ran up and hugged him, complimented him of his shirt, and walked away. The look on his face was priceless. He was so confused, and I think I may've scared him.
I remember the day when I caught my mom humming Teenagers to herself. And when she found Desolation Row on the Chimes Of Freedom CD and decided she actually liked it. I can't count how many times we've been yelled at by neighbors for entering the garage blaring that, how many times she was speeding and I didn't care because I was too busy headbanging to it blaring, how many times she turned that up as loud as it would go during half-time at my soccer games. She's also used it call me when she pulled up to pick me up from school, or from soccer practice, or over the summer from the pool or other places I'd gone with my friends.


I realize now this post is excruciatingly long, and most of you (haha, like anyone read this) probably don't care about half of what I've written. I also realize these aren't crazy or super exciting memories. The truth is, I don't have too many of those types of memories. But I have so many small, fond memories of My Chemical Romance, a wonderful band that has helped many through hard times, and provided great music for anyone who cared to listen.
And now it is time to say so long and good night as their years of being amazing come to a close. No band will ever take their place, not in the hearts of their genuine fans at least, and they will always be loved, until the end of everything.
I hope they have wonderful lives lived to the fullest with their families, doing whatever they want to do. I hope they grow old and happy together, and never forget the good times they had, the bad times they had, and the fans that they'll always have.
You'll never know how much I love you, how much love all of your fans send toward you. I just hope you know, that whatever happens, and through everything, there are many, many people who love all of you guys to the point of explosions.
The future is bulletproof, the aftermath is secondary, we love you so much, and you will be remembered always.
The World Is Ugly Always and forever a fan. So long and good night, My Chemical Romance.

Looking Back

Everyone's a passenger tonight. Just another accident on the freeway we call life. Surrender The Night (Belongs to My Chemical Romance in all their amazingness, even though I no longer respect Mikey Way)
So I came on here because I was bored and going through my bookmarks. I know that virtually no one looks at these, even the three friends that are following or watching or whatever it's called on here, so I really don't know why I'm writing. Well, typing.
Anyway, I went through some of my older posts. Wow. I've grown so much since last time I posted.
So much has happened since then, but nothing really that significant has occurred that would cause me to mature.
I'm still scatter-brained, but I cuss less, procrastinate less and am just a little less of a spazz. I still say "so" too much, still freak out over eyes, Hetalia, and other things mentioned in this, still wear my Frankie vest and mix-matched Nike 6.0s everywhere, but still.
I've found new bands, but still listen to the old ones. I've made new friends, and miss my old ones so much it hurts sometimes. I still keep in touch with (most of) them.
I dated a dick, he broke up with me, we got back together, I broke up with him, and am currently with my best friend. Although, I'm not sure how long this is going to last. We're just too similar and our (scarce) differences are huge. Like, for instance, while I no longer have any respect for Mikey Way after what he put his (ex?)wife through, he's still her role model. I'm not sure that addressing this on the internet is the best idea, but I just need to let it all out, and if I told my most trusted, one would try to get me back, the others would be disappointed in me.
I knew I should've let it sit for a while to make sure my feelings were strong enough to last before admitting anything to anyone. And I wanna say, Cathy, you were right. It probably won't last any more than two months. I need to break up with her, but 1.) it's so close to Valentine's Day and she's all excited and talking about how she hopes I like what she got me, and 2.) I'm afraid I'm either going to cause her emotional distress or lose her as a friend if I break up with her. She already got so much crap from her mom about the fact that she's bi.
Hormones suck. But most of you have probably already figured that out.
I got a deviantArt where I'm even more invisible than I am on here, but I post bits of fluff and some poems I've written. I bet I would get more views if I put up my better work instead of stuff I come up with in five minutes because I feel like I need to do something.
I'm so paranoid that someone's going to steal my work even though there's copyright laws, nobody looks at my work, and it sucks anyway.  Does the contraction of there is have an apostrophe? God, my grammar is horrible.
Since the beginning of high school, I have started three new stories. I need to finish one... Just so I can say I finished a novel. I've finished short stories and poems and such, but that's not so huge.
Another thing that has happened is that I missed a *lot* of school. This caused me to get an overall B in Geometry for second quarter (B+ for semester grade, kill me), I probably failed my last Geometry test(I didn't even answer 20 points worth of questions), and a 91% on my last history test. I think that's the worst I've done on a history test this year. I also got an overall B+ for gym second quarter, but that's because I completely forgot to in a fitness log, and this dude prevented me from participating in volleyball(but it wasn't that bad, because I have no hand-eye coordination anyway).
Why did I miss all this school? Blackouts. Every time I stand out I get dizzy and my vision starts, and sometimes completely, blacks out. And there have been times where I've just been sitting there and the world suddenly tilts. So I had a doctors appointment. She checked my blood pressure. Nothing. She went over my last blood check for the whole Spondalytic arthritis(yes, I'm a fifteen year old with arthritis) medication. Nothing. So she sent me to a neurologist. Neurologist did some tests on me, sent me to an ENT and told me to get an MRI. Got an MRI, brain normal (haha, funny joke). ENT did several different tests on me over two appointments, and there is something seriously wrong with my right ear. Apparently they don't know how nobody, myself included, noticed. So I have to have a CT scan done. If there's nothing wrong with that, they're going to assume I have menire and I will have to give up my Flaming Hot Cheetos and soda, and most anything else with a significant/any amount of sodium. I dunno what will determine between giving up all sodium, or just drastically reducing my sodium intake. Either way, I'm not too happy.
Watched Legion of the Black today. I enjoyed it. It was unlike anything I've ever seen. But the ending, in my opinion, was a bit weak. Don't get me wrong, I love In The End, but I just don't feel like it did Eve Black or whatever they named her justice... Plus I have a friend who has schizophrenia and siblings who have mental disabilities, so the whole psychiatric scene thing hit really hard.
I'm really tired and quite possibly sick, so I'm going to go pass out now. And by pass out, I mean sleep, not literally pass out. Did that once. Not fun. Anyway, adios, güten nacht, hasta-la-pasta and all that jazz. If anybody managed/bothered to read this whole thing, I owe you a cookie.

Also, I realize I complain so much for someone living in a first world county. Even though my family is considered poor, I realize I have it so much better than a lot of people in this world, and I've been meaning to mention this in some of my other posts, but I got so caught up in my discomforts to address those dying of hunger right now, those who don't have clean drinking water or houses or *anything*. I try to help. I sign petitions from freaking everywhere, and I really do try the best I can to help, but I am just one person. I encourage all of you to sign petitions, if nothing else, for causes you find important.


Addition(3-30-13): Just came back on here because one of my friends asked me when I'd been, lol. The part I highlighted I was considering taking out, but it just goes to show that feelings change. She actually broke up with me but that didn't last long. We got back together in a matter of days and I'm really happy with her. Her mom also pulled a fast one and told her on the 2nd to last day before Spring Break that their "vacation" to New York wasn't actually a vacation, but she was moving her back, and we all flipped out, and then at the last minute, her mom changed her mind. I swear, sometimes I just want to knock some sense into this chick. Ug.